positive thinking every moment..

2006-05-20T01:11:00.000+08:00

i got sea monkeys! hopefully they dun die soon. its a huge responsibilty to look after those wierdos. haha. anyway its been a long time since i blog. lazy la.haha. mayb a little more updates. its been an enriching journey for me. learning alot of things since promotion. learning the reality of life. as a student, we always tend to have fantasies. which doesnt exist in real life. and only when one is expose to more den we realize wad a well we were living in. well mayb i'm the only one. bt this learning process made me grow. n i'm realli glad i have the chance to. thou sometimes things dun go my way. bt i've learnt to accept and make the best out of everything. in short i'm a happy girl. =)

2006-04-06T14:11:00.000+08:00

dun always look on the surface of things.

it sucks when all u tink about is u.

come on.

u shld know wad happened.

u shld know the do's n dont's.

u shld know why its shit.

u shld know how it feels to keep it under wraps.

u can say tt x years it shall be.

bt do u realli know how i feel?

do u realli understand y i gave up?

go tink about wad u did to me.

go think about whatever u told me in the past.

and the way u behave around ppl.

i gave u an answer.

i explained to u why.

i'm nt any other girls tt u meet out there.

i've tried hard.

i failed.

dun blame it on anyone bt ourselves.

u know very clearly.

dun try to change things.

its nt jus about the whole secret thing.

its more den tt.

its character.its attitude.

total clash.

i jus hope u will realli understand.

and i hope u will change for the better.

not for me.

but for urself.

with how u're acting n behaving.

things will only get worse for urself.

i've told u many times.

i hope u'll start to even listen n tink of wad i told u.

cos u nv did.

2006-04-06T13:12:00.000+08:00

fresh start for the blog.

let all that has pass be the past.

over all the complications in the past.

now its the new n happy me! =)

i've found someone who brings me joy.

gives me hope.

makes me whole.

he's mr koh!

ups and downs wun stop us.

bugs n flies wun kill us.

haha.alrite.

enough crap.

heard that the girl won vjc 3-2!

close one.but gd work girls.

trash mj tmr k?

believe in urself tt u can do it.

dun let coach dermadi down.

he's still the best.

havent been playin squash for long time thou.

getting outta shape already.

i mean literally.

tryin to study for sat recently.

test on may6.

bt honestly i dun realli care anymore.lol.

cos i tink with sat i stil cant get into smu.

so what the heck.

sim it shall be.

yippee!

2006-02-14T00:12:00.000+08:00

end of everything. start of somoething new.

2006-02-02T00:36:00.000+08:00

well its been a while since i blog.

dunno y suddenly dun feel like blogging anymore.

haha.

anyway happy new year to everyone.

tt day while i was out doing some stuff on my own

i realize something.

i dun feel myself anymore.

u know, the jocelyn tt i use to be.

den i told a fren about it.

and i realize i'm changed.

and apparently its cos of work.

why?

cos i'm now expose to workin life.

workin life as in out there in the market.

not being desk bound.

cos tts where i gt knocks.

tts how i learn.

and not learnin how to be a clerk.

cos i'm expose to more ppl.

i learn new things.

learn to manage everything.

i realize i dun see things the way they use to be.

i'm nt as easily affected by external like before.

i'm able to let go of things more easilly.

n wads the most drastic changes?

i realise i speak differently now.

realise i act differently.

okie i may still be blur with retarded reaction.

bt within this short period of time

i see myself growing with maturity.

growing with confidence.

i'm happy with myself.

happy tt i accepted this opportunity.

2006-01-07T13:23:00.000+08:00

took my badge yesterday during presentation.

mc was ms michelle n mr don.

i wasnt feelin well.

so went toilet.

by the time i was back.

my god.

the whole training rm was flooded.

n i was rite at the back.

with mr chris disturbing me all the way.

i din know he was so playful til yest.

lol.

n guess wad.

they announced my name as genevieve tay!

n everyone was like wth is tt?

and bcos i was stuck all the way at the back

among all the tall guys(mayb i'm jus short).

i had to 'excuse me' all the way!

n den everyone realized it is me.

my god.

n den they wanted 2 ppl to come up to talk.

this guy volunteered.

gd. one down.

den the were askin for another one.

mr don kept calling me genevieve tay.

and i jus pretended tt i cant hear. lol.

den jeremy went forward.

he thanked me(thanks!).mr jason.mr kit.mr alvin.

and of cos his dad! (so touching)

n the ultimate one!

"thanks to everyone in the company for being such a nice bunch of ppl"

i burst out laughing!

u know y?

cos i know he was talkin crap!

haha.

he was jus lost for words already.

den his dad gave me a lift home in his mercs.

which unfortunately gt bang by a car at the expressway.

oh well.

bt everything ended great for me.

one month ME.

one month MM!

project v was great.

althou it was tiring and all.

bt i enjoyed every single second of it.

2005-12-29T23:20:00.000+08:00

i hit my ME today!

and exceeded by quite alot.

so now its towards the MM stage already.

yeap yeap.

i'm fighting for it.

and i will get it before cny.

and show them wad this trade is.

who says this trade cant make it.

who says i cant make it?

now i prove u wrong.

i've climbed up.

climbing even more.

of cos not my sole effort.

bt the whole organisation.

my upline. =)

my up up line. =)

my downlines. =) =)

my side lines. =) =) =)

and all the indirect lines. =) =) =)

realli very grateful to all ur help n advices along the way.

2005-12-22T23:57:00.000+08:00

yes!

i hit MA today.

close 2 yesterday.

close 2 more today.

so so so happy.

that kinda joy can nv b expressed.

spendin 25 min to close 2 small is incredible.

who says it cant be done.

for all those of u who doubted me.

all those who din think this cld happen.

now i show u.

its possible.

without cheating.

purely convincing.

purely cos of the need tt others face.

so wake up ur idea.

stop slackin n thinkin tt u're rich.

n all u have to do is stretch out ur hand.

and money is rite in front of u.

cos u nv know wad is satisfaction.

till u do it on ur own.

fighting hard for ME now.

2005-12-18T01:38:00.000+08:00

heard a song today.

struck me realli hard.

got realli sad.

and went shopping.

spent 300+.

sigh.

alot of things on my mind.

dunno wad to do.

totally confused.

i admit tt somehow its still there.

bt thinkin about everything tt happened stopped me.

i'm sorry i scolded u.

why?

cos u said something tt was the most sensitive to me.

criticise me nvm.

u critised my mum!

and of all ppl u brought him into the pic!

u expect to gt my attention knowing tt i hate him!

tt was the ultimate thing.

if u even care about hw i feel u wun say tt.

sigh.

say all u want.

criticise me for all u wan.

tell everyone how bad i am.

its nt as if i nv get negative before.

onli u n i know the truth behind the fall of it all.

of cos there's alot of things tt u did tt touched me.

there were times when i tried to salvage things.

bt mayb wad my mum said is rite.

the harder u try to tie me down

the more i will rebel.

why?

cos i dun see eye to eye with u.

cos i dun see the logic behind it.

u cant expect me to forgo a job opportunity.

well i'm glad i didnt.

cos i'm enjoyin it now.

its the environment,the ppl everything.

talked to hw jus now.

cld tell the difference in workin environment.

and i tink i realli learnt alot frm this company.

it taught me to fight.

taught me so many things tt i nv knew.

its like one big family.

no matter wad setbacks i get

i know tt there is stil my company

and everyone in there

tt will cushion my fall for me.

thanks VE.

2005-12-16T00:34:00.000+08:00

physically n mentally drained. but things are going fine. i'm learning alot. i was wondering. someone told me he doesn like to cheat others. tts why he decided nt to take up a job. come to tink about it. everyone is makin use of each other out there. nw u feel they r makin use of me. when i climb up, i will be doing the same. go think about it. which profession doesnt cheat ppl. you come and tell me and i may consider takin up the job. if u wanna be so noble i suggest u go to mars or something. even if u wanna b a male tai tai and play mahjong whole day long u are stil cheatin ppl. why? cos u earn their money! unless u always lose den i gt nth to say. ur aim in joining us was nt correct from the beginning. u wanted to see how we operate. it was 'for fun' tt u joined us. n i can tell u tts cheating!!! why? u cheated the feelings of those who put in effort into u! so where's ur justification for tt? ppl will get the product if they want to. no one is askin u to force them to get it. mayb u're rite. ur pride is too strong to do all these. like u said. if u wan money,jus stretch out ur hand n its given. come on la. how old are u already? r u gonna depend on ur parents forever? if u cant even survive this, i dunno how u gonna survive thru anything. go tink it thru. are u afraid of challenges? afraid of failures? eveyone is stil fighting. u want to quit its up to u. bt dun try n influence others ard u. n rmb one thing. if u cant do something n chicken out, dun critisize the ppl who r stil striving for it. at least these ppl r stil fighting. a real failure is one who has given up!

2005-12-08T00:55:00.000+08:00

venture era!

i feel so motivated now!

bt deciding is not enough.

must do it!

5 frogs on the table.

3 decided to jump.

how many left? 5!

call me nuts.

call me whatever u want.

my goal is there.

by friday i wanna hit marketing executive.

before 2006 i wanna hit marketing manager.

before june next year i wanna hit car incentive.

before dec next year i wanna be bgm!

hahaha.

i see everything laid down before me.

never had a clearer view of wad i wanna do.

oh my god.

i'm so excited now.

must keep the passion going.

no obstacles are ever gonna stand in my way.

hohoho.

fight till the end!

2005-12-07T00:36:00.000+08:00

2 days in venture.

yeah.

i'm enjoying it.

yup.

busy busy busy.

2005-11-30T19:37:00.000+08:00

today went for job interview.

at venture era.

its a hydro plus healthcare kinda industry.

after the interview i was actualli stil quite skeptical about stuff.

demonstration on their product stil made me abit skeptical.

after tt went down for a drink with their marketing manager.

talked about the salary and stuff.

still a bit skeptical.

cos its network marketing.

i know alot of ppl out there hate ppl like tt.

bt everyone needs to earn a living.

somewhere somehow.

the pay and stuff tt he said was attractive.

bt i know its not ez.

i mean no money come ez.

its alot of hard work tryin to sell off a 1800+++ thing

just to purify ur water n stuff like tt.

bt somehow i know i wanna take it up.

why?

its challenging.

it pushes me.

yeah i know i'm nuts.

who on earth dun wan a stable job

and find one base on commission.

bt tts me.

i wanna prove to myself tt i can.

i dun wanna b an office worker.

i hope my mum approves of this.

if not.....tts it!

no more venture era for me.

cos i tink d**kto**s is underpaying

after tinking about it.

1200 plus cpf is shit.

when u have to work on wkends

when u have to work over time with no extra pay

its cheap labour man.

grrr~

i wanna start work fast fast fast!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

its not tt we have nothing to talk about

just tt u dun seem to approve of wad i do now.

since i return things have changed.

i realized it.

sigh

2005-11-28T18:42:00.000+08:00

just returned frm hanoi.

went over to hanoi n ha long.

3hrs drive from hanoi.

5 days was reali short.

first day had technical prob.

so flight delayed.

reached ha long at about 6.

checked into hotel

had dinner

den went back to rest.

next day spent the whole morn at ha long bay.

this sea surrounded by mountains.

it was a great view.

althou i slept after tt cos the breeze made me. =P

headed back to hanoi after tt.

went for water puppet show after a quick bath.

so many yrs and they stil show the same old thing.

boring.....

went for dinner at jap restaurant.

nv like jap food.

so didnt realli like the food there too.

headed back to hotel to slp.

next day we went to the Big Cathedral for mass.

ppl were standing outside cos there weren't enough spaces.

oh gosh.

i nearli fell aslp cos i didnt understand anything.

haha.

den went to look for a bell tt i had to get for my dad.

spent the whole morning doing all tt b4 heading for lunch.

had com tai or something.

rice with meat.

bt i like it.

haha.

den went for a little shopping.

my sis wore size 27 for their jeans.

den me?

no size for me.

vietnamese jeans not for me.

thou i tink some design is realli nice.

in the end didnt get anything.

zzz.

went for seafood dinner with uncle thranh and his wife.

realli very nice uncle.

bt he kept feeding me with food.

i nearli died of bloatation?

lol.head back to hotel at 11.

went to slp soon after packing.

cos the flights at 7.so i had to wake up at 4.

its killer.

haha.

uncle thranh fetched us to the airport.

he's a realli nice guy.thanks!

and i enjoyed myself in hanoi.

althou there was no shopping.

hee.

p.s the hotel offers shows we can onli watch on scv like cartoon network!

2005-11-22T22:30:00.000+08:00

played amer pro novice today.

played with scgs girl.

i tink primary 2.

lost to her 10-11 4-11.

quite sad.

oh well.

i jus make myself happier.

by sayin tt her mum is japan national player.

so by rite she has more exposure den me.

haha.

sigh.

got into plate event.

suppose to play with fiona tmr.

haha.

wad a coincidence.

me and fifi!

hahaha.

and the shirt tt they gave.

it sucks.

except tt its dry fit.

haha.

2005-11-17T23:02:00.000+08:00

my trip is postponed till next week.

haha.

had prob with visa for my god sis.

and i'm gg for duck tours interview tmr.

wish me all the best!!!

2005-11-17T00:57:00.000+08:00

exams is over!

yup.

thats it.

end of my jc life.

short bt sweet.

somehow after i finish my paper today

i didnt feel anything special.

why?

mayb cos i realli started too late.

mayb cos i know i cant produce results.

mayb cos i know everything has ended.

just like tt.

sigh.

somehow it saddens me.

tt another chapter has closed.

now all i can do is pray.

tt everything will be alrite.

leaving for hong kong today.(17th)

and i'll be back by 21st.

yup.

and i hope i can get my duck tours job.

which wouldnt coincide with the time at the canteen.

2005-10-31T15:51:00.000+08:00

1 more week is all i've got.

seriously i dun care about anything rite now.

u may be affecting me.

i dun care.

i dun wanna fail my exams bcos u look down on me.

or mayb u dun.

u jus dun like the way i do things.

u tink i'm demanding.

u tink i'm insensitive.

if tts wad u see in me.

den i will now show u wad is insensitive.

maybe u cant accept me as who i really am.

stop comparing me to others.

i am not them.

dun expect me to react the same way as they do.

dun expect me to do the things they did.

i am not them.

u tink i am nt setting a gd example.

think about it.

are the 2 situations the same?

going to the hse in the afternoon?

staying there till 1030pm?

going in a grp?

going alone?

u dun see the difference tt i tried to show.

nvm.

i have no time to argue with u over these things now.

i have more impt things to settle on hand.

------------------------------------------------------

mugging in progress...

2005-10-17T22:54:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry baby. i'm a girl without love. seeking for love. i thought i found it in u. i said no one knows wad the future holds. but u said it. like u were so sure. so certain. like u know u'll say it to me one day. like u know it's bound to happen. is it foolish thinkin on my part tt things will turn out right is it just me? u hit me like a rocket like a knife tt i never knew existed. u hit me strong and hard. like it was impossible to get up. tell me wad am i to do. i'm overcome with fear. with pain. with disappointment. i'm afraid to know the truth. to hear the truth. i'm sorry.

2005-09-30T14:27:00.000+08:00

gt my results back.

everything is in a mess.

OFF.

22 for physics

29 for econs

40 for maths.

haha.

i'm so dead now.

dunno wad i am doing anymore.

i'm nt rational anymore.

argh.......

2005-09-26T23:53:00.000+08:00

well tt marks the end of it.

wads the date today?

260905.

as usual.

failed.

nth new.

yeah tts me.

hopeless.

helpless.

useless.

bleah.

sucks.

argh.

tears.

heartaches.

feel so lost now.

oh well.

exams are coming now.

i have to refocus.

by hook or by crook.

sigh.

2005-09-23T00:08:00.000+08:00

today marks the end of my baby sitting career.

it was only 2 days.

free of charge.

but i enjoyed myself so much.

okie mayb it's tiring.

or mayb i'm jus not use to it.

bt den again i love it.

i love children and babies.

ooooh so cute!

jeriel's only a few days old.

bt he's so clever.

he doesn like to drink water.

and he's good at makin it spill out frm the side of his mouth.

he can wriggle his way around to make himself comfortable.

his neck is so strong it can support his head.

his smiles are killer smiles.

he will grow up to be a prince. =)

i played with joash today.

he's so talkative.

talk to u about thomas train, diggers, hi-5 and everything!

entertaining him while my cousin n aunt went to slp.

made him drink 2 bottles of water and he wet himself.haha.

he's so adorable.

made him sit on my lap and tickled him all over.

sigh~ i'm beginning to miss them already.

*by the way, tt little cute girl is darling rayshane.

2005-09-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

everyone is counting down the number of days to A levels.

its getting on my nerves.

everyone knows its drawin near.

the stress level is at its peak.

everyone is freaking out.

thou prelims is jus over.

i screwed up my prelims.

i think i'm gonna fail nearli all.

and i'm well aware of that.

i'm well aware of the time i have left.

everyone takin A levels is aware.

so is the general public.

and i tink i'm putting family before studies now.

putting more emphasis on family.

like takin care of my baby nephew for my cousin.

ah crap la.

everything is pissing me off.

why cant some ppl jus use their common sense.

i dun get it.

is it jus me or wad.

totally put off.........

zzzzz........................................

2005-09-17T01:43:00.000+08:00

in the midst of prelims.

and i screwed it up.

physics econs maths

all gone.

but what the heck.

this is the beginning.

i'm gonna mug mug mug.

must try to get at least bbc.

and gp b4.

here i come!!

2005-09-07T14:50:00.000+08:00

cutting the cake with my dog. staring at my cake... cutting the cake with my mum. wish wish wish..... my mum an i. my god sis and i. my sis, my mum and i. putting the candles. the devil and i.

2005-09-04T17:35:00.000+08:00

just celebrated my bday not too long ago.

well i can say it was quite memorable?

monday went for dinner with pk at big ben or something.

realized his driving skills abit cannot make it de.

haha.

bt i ate abit only.

cos had ljs before tt.

tues had lunch with classmates at kfc.

jy accidentally bought an extra set.

so i ate half of the set.

and they gave me the most memorable prez ever.

purple underwear!

the girls and the usual guys share it.

it was totally unexpected.

something tt no one has ever given me!

haha.

it was special.

den went for dinner at country manna at nite.

at suntec there.

journey made me giddy and stuff.

nth unusual ba.

den went esplanade the roof terrace to sit.

and saw chong qing.

tt actor fella with another guy.

i tink he looks better in person.

less gay.

haha.

reach home and found tt my bed has a prez n card.

my sis and god sis share money to get for me.

teddy is hugging a heart tt says #1 sister.

haha.

quite sweet la.

den on wed went into jb.

to buy toilet paper,oil,blah blah.

quite sian.

den at nite cut cake.

nth much cos my mum went for bible class.

den at nite he came to my hse with his sis n a prez n bday cake.

was quite shock cos didnt expect it.

and tt nice nice adidas jacket tt i tot i will nv find it again.

yeah!

thanks alot.

so touched. =)

my parents gave me a card.

it was touching la.

kinda cried though.

cry baby.

haha.

the next day pk called me at nite

den i went down to get the prez from him.

at first i tot it was a bday card.

den when i turn i saw SWATCH!

was stunned.

den i open up..................

i saw 100 bucks!

nearly fainted on the spot.

he told me he didnt know what design i wanted.

and i should get something i like.

so he decided to give me cash instead.

got myself a swatch irony.

pinkish purple.

next time will post and show u guys.

cos i tink its nice.

well tts about it.

my 18th bday.

can watch m18 show le.

bleah!

and thanks to all those who msg me.

realli appreciate it tt u guys rmb.

2005-08-19T12:08:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna do the disappearing act.

anyone wanna find me can call or msg.

but a reply is nt guaranteed.

bye.

2005-08-09T16:29:00.000+08:00

went into ucsc website.

den saw a write up by uncle maurice.

on this guy name darren hanlon.

he wrote a song about squash!

interesting...

Lyrics to '(There’s Not Enough Songs About) Squash'

By Darren Hanlon

Why do I bother

I don't know

I’ll turn off my radio

Day after day the airways are awash

With songs of folks in love

And those who are out of

There's just not enough songs about squash

Maybe to you it's just a game

Somewhere you heard the name

Not for the claustrophobic, a pastime for the posh

Without sounding too peculiar

If it's the cardiovascular

You're after then you can't go past squash

Netball, t-ball, orienteering

Are all worth a second hearing

Football, handball, four-in-a-square

Are all good but they just don't compare

Oh no it's raining

We’ll have to cancel tennis training

But look here, never fear, throw down that mackintosh

I know a game under a roof

It's just four walls and the truth

It's fun, rain hail or sun, it's squash

Red dot, green dot, yellow dot ball

Try and bounce it off the wall

Headband, wristband, fuzzy handled racket

Can't some DJ play a squash song in their bracket

2005-08-09T14:22:00.000+08:00

this holiday is unwanted.

why?

cos i fell sick again!

lol.

wads new.

suddenli my immunity system seems to be so low.

grrr.

just when its the critical year.

vomited on sunday nite.

saw the doc on monday morning.

and from sunday onwards.

each time i eat something.

i wanna puke again.

puke puke puke.

i tink the medicine is stopping me from vomiting.

so i only feel like vomiting.

but i won't!

i tink that is a worse feeling.

i rather puke out everything.

or mayb have my whole stomach clean.

den let it go exercise.

stregthen it before it comes back lookin for me.

gd idea?

safra squash open is here.

3rd to 17th september.

decision to make:

should i study hard n mug mug mug,

wait till next year den join?

or should i go for it this year?

hmmmmm........

2005-08-01T00:14:00.000+08:00

who knows the real me?

only i do.

who knows how i truely feel?

only i do.

and those i choose to tell.

u seem to have taken a step back.

from wad i see today.

things are different.

the way u talk.

the way u act.

its all so different.

guess its all cos of me.

i cant live without frenx.

they are impt to me.

bt somehow.

i dunno.

whether i shed tears or not.

u dun even care.

i understand.

wad more can i say.

i try so hard.

and got so far.

in the end.

its doesnt even matter.

its nt tt u're bz.

its nt tt u're aslp.

i knw.

since u choose to avoid.

since u choose this path.

i dunno wad more to do.

its ur decision.

i'm nt the perfect one.

all those negative comments.

i dunno u mean it or nt.

bt it means alot each time u say.

the hurt gets deeper each time u say.

i'm lost.

lost in the hope of rising again.

lost in the hope of a miracle.

lost in hope.

2005-07-31T10:55:00.000+08:00

today's the end of the month.

how time flies.

does it symbolize something?

i really dunno.

i'm hiding away.

i'm escaping.

loser?

mayb ba.

its my character?

mayb ba.

anyway i'm tryin to put it behind me.

yes yes.

smile smile smile.

=) =) =)

no matter wad happens.

smile cos the world is still round.

one of my favourite songs for now.

though its quite an old song.

Misery-Moffatts.

I cry myself to sleep again tonight

'Cause I cannot hold you tight

I wish I could see you again tomorrow

To take all this sorrow, sorrow

I'm hollow

When I touch you

Can you feel it

When I need you

Can you give it

When I look in your eyes

Can you see me

When I fall, fall

Will you catch me, catch me, catch me

Misery is what I feel

When you're not around

So I can't heal

Misery is what I feel

Is what I feel

These tears on my face

Are for you

I wish that I could hold you

Touch you, feel you

My heart is bleeding

Can't you see

I wish that you could hold me

Touch me, feel me

2005-07-23T22:44:00.000+08:00

squash open just ended.

we emerge 4th.

well could have gotten 3rd.

cos we gt disqualified.

wads done is done la.

dun talk about it le.

at least everyone is happy.

no conflicts or wadsoever.

played 4 matches in total.

won all 4.

was quite happy with myself.

won 2 guys and 2 girls.

the other guy is j1 squasher.

the other girl is ds class de.

i was exceptionally happy when i won the j1 squasher.

i always felt i am lousy and stuff.

bt at least this was a morale booster for me.

it affected me when even u tink i am lousy.

somehow u didnt seem to be on my side.

it pulled me down so much.

and wad hurts most was tt

it was others who trusted me.

not u.

ah nvm.

forget it.

100% success!

2005-07-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

went for blood donation yest.

first time.

was quite freaked out.

i requested for left hand.

cos i wanna play squash.

and ended up beside a girl who was super pale.

she had to lie down.

gt me even more freaked out.

den the nurse came.

did all tt she had to.

gave me the first jab.

abit painful.

den she wanted to put the bigger needle in.

and i dunno y.

she couldnt find my vein!

after tt there was like 3 or 4 nurses.

all surrounding me.

wah!

so freaked out.

gdness.

the actual blood donation was fast.

like less den 5 min.

bt dunno y after tt have been getting headaches.

2005-07-17T00:10:00.000+08:00

today went for blood donation.

first time.

was quite freaked out.

i requested for left hand.

cos i wanna play squash.

and ended up beside a girl who was super pale.

she had to lie down.

gt me even more freaked out.

den the nurse came.

did all tt she had to.

gave me the first jab.

abit painful.

den she wanted to put the bigger needle in.

and i dunno y.

she couldnt find my vein!

after tt there was like 3 or 4 nurses.

all surrounding me.

wah!

so freaked out.

gdness.

the actual blood donation was fast.

like less den 5 min.

bt dunno y after tt have been getting headaches.

2005-07-16T14:27:00.000+08:00

had my 2nd match.

against weiliang's team.

i played against shermaine.

j1 junior.

won 2-0.

11-3 11-0.

if there's a chance i wld wanna play with weiliang.

badminton player.

his squash nt bad.

quite impressive.

overall we won 4-1.

hope we make it into the semi-finals.

we'll be training on sunday.

yeah!

2005-07-13T12:57:00.000+08:00

had my first squash open match today.

i'm in kelvin's grp.

with janice andrew n derek.

played 2nd player.

against rock climbing vice captain.

herng yi or something.

well was quite terrified.

it seems like inter-sch again.

tt kinda anxiety n tension.

it kills if u have a weak heart.

first set was like crap.

feeding the balls to him.

and each time i serve he just wack so freaking hard.

n i get freaked out.

lost first set 10-11.

american scoring.

i hate it.

2nd set was okie.

although it could have been better.

went in with more determination.

i know i can do better than tt.

and i wun give up.

started to ask for let.

cos his exit too slow.

ended with 11-8.

3rd set was tense.

i knew i can do it.

if i was compose enough.

i started off well.

tried to kill with servicing.

get every single ball back.

i'm nt gonna give up so easily.

ended with 11-3.

i need more practice.

i know i can do better than this.

so long nv play le.

well bt i must say i am happy.

cos i realize my mentality changed.

for the better of course.

somehow after watching the leagues.

i saw how the uncles fight.

how they perservere on.

the spirit that they had.

it taught me seriousness in court.

taught me nv to give up.

taught me so much more.

ucsc has taught me alot.

i'm grateful to them.

and of cos my captain kelvin.

he's realli gd.

all the advices he gives to me.

how i shouldnt fear.

how i should be calm bt aggressive in court.

i'm realli happy for all tt has been given to me.

although u didnt say much.

or any actions.

bt ur presence gave me the moral support i need.

2005-07-06T21:08:00.000+08:00

went to watch initial d at bugis.

first time watching at bugis.

hee.

well i guess the show was ok.

not tt fantastic like how everyone says.

the humourous part is ok.

i think the story line was nt tt interesting.

like the 'love story' part.

although it was quite sad bt somehow.

i feel like it seems to be hanging in the air.

hmmm.

okie la i dun say le.

mr ong told me my econs le.

i passed.

my investment paid off.

i got 50.

well it may seem stupid to be happy.

bt i am.

cos i have been getting a few marks for essays.

like super pathetic marks.

bt now.

waoh!

i passed!

althou i failed maths n physics.

bt its ok.

i will come back stronger!

wahaha.

2005-07-04T18:32:00.000+08:00

today went out to east coast beach.

with eve to sun tan.

i shouldnt have listened to her.

shld have gotten sun block.

u know why?

cos i'm red!

my whole back red.

my arm red.

my thigh red.

my feet red.

my face red.

i look like a freaking walking traffic light! my gdness.

why did i ever listen to her.

ah! my skin is burning now.

so hot.

i'm a heat emitting radiator!

who needs warmth?

haha.

it was fun to see her again after....

so many months.

great to see her so happy.

----------------------------------------

bought adidas polo tee.

hope u like it.

should be jus ok for u ba.

i like the wallet.

cos its from u.

bt since u say not nice

u shouldnt have gotten it ma.

u arh.

haiyo.

n i dun need anything frm u.

cos i've gt everything le.

2005-07-02T01:02:00.000+08:00

went jean yip to cut my hair yest.

well there isnt much diff.

well wads new rite.

its still the same old hairstyle.

cos its not long enough for any changes.

mon is youth day.

hols for sec sch students.

do we get them?

i dun tink so rite.

so unfair.

well well.

tts life.

--------------------------------------

u always ask me wads wrong.

i tell u nth.

why?

cos i dunno wad to say.

i dun wanna say anything.

i wanna just forget it.

make myself forget about it.

dun wanna talk about any sad feelings.

stupid?

i dunno.

tts me.

the slightest things makes me sad.

makes me angry.

makes me disappointed.

makes me wonder if u care.

whther i was alive or dead.

one day i'm gone.

wld u regret nt calling earlier.

wld u regret nt msging.

wld u regret nt tellin me anything.

wld u?

i dunno.

i dun wish to know.

the lesser one knows the better.

wad more can i say.

negative?

i dunno.

i dunno myself anymore.

2005-06-30T13:34:00.000+08:00

exams are over.

i dun tink i've done my best this time round.

bt i'm happy tt at least i didnt give up.

well now its A levels.

somehow i just gotta start studing.

yes.

put everything aside.

put the past behind me.

focus and do it.

easier said den done.

now i can only wait for results to be out.

scare the hell outta myself.

and start studying.

-----------------------------------------------------

i've decided.

i wun say so much anymore.

its u.

its ur life.

not mine.

i have no right.

i shouldnt say anything anymore.

who am i to control.

who am i to comment.

its up to u.

do wad u tink is best for u.

i dun wanna say anything.

about anything.

all the things we do not see eye to eye.

enough is enough.

i'm tired.

i dun see a need to try and convince u anymore.

u have ur own principles.

i'm not angry at all.

*zip*

2005-06-24T14:11:00.000+08:00

fears.

they can help u to become stronger.

they can destroy you.

sometimes i get lost in my fears.

realli lost.

i hurt myself in the process.

i hurt those close to me.

i thought of ways to make them happier.

only to neglect the fact tt they might nt be.

sometimes i really tink too much.

why?

mayb its cos i'm afraid.

i'm afraid of the unpredictable.

realli afraid.

i nv expected things to happen 6 yrs ago.

i nv even have the slightest thought.

bt it did.

it changed my whole life.

i know now tt anything n everything can happen

and it scares me.

cos nothing is for certain.

nth can be guaranteed.

yes tts me.

tts how i am.

tts why i hurt so many around me.

hopeless?

i dunno.

2005-06-24T00:37:00.000+08:00

went to watch air supply concert yesterday.

it was great!

it was so dynamic!

i tink they were great!

hahaa..

it was a gd experience..

realli like air supply now.

who wanna buy their cd for me!

haha.

sch starting soon.

exams coming.

i'm so screwed.

started abit of maths.

abit of econs.

havent touch physics.

ah wad the heck.

dun realli care.

sucks.

2005-06-19T16:34:00.000+08:00

yesterday went chairman hse for dinner.

although din realli talk to anyone

except the uncles of course.

bt it was fun.

made a 'new' fren.

shaun.

wah tt boy realli very naughty.

he know how to play cards lei.

when i dunno.

so pro at lying some more.

i also lose to him lor.

cannot make it arh.

uncle kelvin brought his children.

the boy so handsome.

gel hair some more.

the girl very cute.

i wanna kidnap her home.

haha.

so fun.

after tt they had a talk.

den all those first timers must say something.

wah i dunno wad to say.

so just anyhow crap some stuff out.

bt not only me la.

he also kena.

now everyone knows him as the safra one.

so he better come join ucsc.

if not all the uncles will run after him.

haha.

ucsc is the best.

i think my greatest joy is to have found ucsc

and be a part of it.

2005-06-16T03:00:00.000+08:00

suddenly i feel very lost

i suddenli dunno wad to do

dunno why i am doing all this

why why?

i dun like this feeling

i dun like it at all

after seeing and hearing

i dun like the nite

it makes me think

tink too much

suddenli i wanna let go

let go of everything

fear overwhelms me again

yes again

it always happens.

2005-06-09T16:14:00.000+08:00

yesterday fishball met my mum and sis.

well not tt bad i guess.

it was a gd day for me.

spent some time together.

i dun realli care wad others think.

cos i know wad i want.

i know wad i want out of it.

2005-06-07T00:41:00.000+08:00

its been a long day

went down to bugis.

took neoprints

so pretty.

bt he took it away.

grrr..

bought bag for my sister.

i tink its nice.

i doubt she feels the same.

hmmm.

well doesnt matter.

its the thought tt counts.

oh well.

sorry i reacted tt way yesterday

i dunno wad came over me.

i didnt mean it.

2005-06-05T20:56:00.000+08:00

it was a whole new experience.

the ktv, the beach, everything.

it was sweet of you to come down all the way.

anyway if u didnt u stil had to eventually.

cos ur sis was here..

hahaha..

partially my cramp was in the way..

didnt really enjoy myself..

but nonetheless..

it was great..

the way you cared..

the way you look..

and intentionally make urself drunk..

wad a plot...

i'll nv forget the times on the beach..

lookin into the sky..

feelin the cold air..

everything was just to good to be true..

i wish the day never end.....

2005-06-04T20:21:00.000+08:00

annonymous is combing my hair at this moment..

2005-06-03T20:50:00.000+08:00

we had our farewell.

it was great to see the yr1's bonding together.

somehow i knew tt i had to let go.

to let them take over

and hopefully do a better job.

i have high hopes in them.

i know they have the ability.

all the best to you guys.

make tpjc proud once again!

2005-06-01T19:17:00.000+08:00

I lie awake

In the cold winter night

Thinking of the times that we had

I can't seem to forget you

No matter how hard i try

It's killing me inside

I'm crushed deep within

You've moved on

While i'm stil here

Longing for you night and day

You found her

When my heart still has you

Do i still have a place in you

I've lost it all

I'm shattered beyong recognition

But do you even care

Every tear i shed is for you

Every pain is the thought of you

WIll you ever come back to me.

*wrote this while studying..

no special meaning..

just came to me

2005-06-01T01:32:00.000+08:00

Angel - Sarah Mclachlan

Spend all your time waiting

for that second chance

for a break that would make it okay

there's always one reason

to feel not good enough

and it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

oh beautiful release

memory seeps from my veins

let me be empty

and weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line

and everywhere you turn

there's vultures and thieves at your back

and the storm keeps on twisting

you keep on building the lie

that you make up for all that you lack

it don't make no difference

escaping one last time

it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh

this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort there

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

*who's my angel...

2005-05-31T23:55:00.000+08:00

went down to np play squash today..

met leslie, bryan n 2 of his frenz at taka..

wad a place..

town lei!

i was kinda lost there la..

i mean its town!

i dun go there..

not bad playing with them..

saw a few old faces..

and its a new exposure for me..

saw weird ppl over there..

haha..

the 'not so smart'..

and 'janet' incident..

lol..

cant believe they took it for real..

bt honestly..

didnt have enough of it..

didn't realli destress..

and the crave for squash hasnt died..

hahahaa..

anyway if its possible i wanna go down play more often..

2005-05-31T01:05:00.000+08:00

khanh is accepted into sac..

today when i went back..

saw mrs joseph n mrs loh..

mrs joseph stil can recognize me..

so honoured..

talked to mrs loh for quite awhile..

sac seemed to have changed quite alot..

she ask meto go back and help out..

after A levels..

hope i can ba..

cos tts if i pass..

i miss sac..

2005-05-29T00:02:00.000+08:00

jus came back home..

yesterday stayed over at chalet..

apparently i was the first to slp..

last to wake up..

haha..

bt it was quite fun la..

although i was the one tt they use to joke about..

reach there and allen they all wanted buy beer..

yong tat didnt manage to get thru..

cos he wasnt 18..

den hanwen came out to buy..

u should have seen the look of the guy behind her..

when she took out her ic..

the guy's eyeballs nearly drop out..

haha..

den we went in..

bt after tt i was hungry so came out by bk..

den bought vodka blue..

yeah hanwen bought it..

they all say taste like medicine..

bt i tink its nice..

haha..

weird taste bud..

now hongkai calls me maria..

cos i cut honey dew..

mayb if i dun do well for a levels..

i can invest n be housekeeper..

any takers?

2005-05-27T15:33:00.000+08:00

today had gp paper..

paper one was okie..

"till death do us part" is an unrealistic view. do you agree?

first time i wrote essay and did it twice..

and i had time to stone after tt..

hahha..

after i finish..

hanwen n jiaying said my face very pale..

too much brain juice being used?

dunno why also..

hmmm..

den paper 2 was quite bad..

passage b was a killer..

was about discrimination..

so chimzzzz..

completely dunno wad are they talking about..

after attempting qn also dunno..

haha..

in the end i anyhow do my aq..

and i had 15 in left after tt..

i nv had enough time for paper2..

but today..

its either i'm pro or i anyhow do..

which do u tink it is?

of cos its the latter..

later gonna watch a grader's play at safra toa payoh..

den mayb going for huifen chalet..

feeling quite tired now..

and i love my new blogskin..

so pretty rite..

2005-05-25T22:41:00.000+08:00

so many things have been happening recently..

its making me breathless..

its making me helpless..

lost it all..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

but i know one thing for sure..

frenx come and go..

u went..

its okie for me..

i dun realli care..

call me selfish..

call me cold-hearted..

i dun care..

since u dun wanna make things clear..

u wanna leave it as it is..

so be it..

u wanna escape..

so be it..

cos u will be the one losing out..

i've escaped for 6 yrs..

the cuts jus get deeper..

the pain just gets more..

do wad u wan..

its ur life..

2005-05-25T22:36:00.000+08:00

My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

'Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

[CHORUS:]

When you cried

I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream

I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have

All of me

You used to captivate me

By your resonating life

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts

My once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away

All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

2005-05-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

its been some time since i knew u..

its been some time since i saw u..

somehow i dunno how i feel..

i dunno if wad i feel is true..

i dunno if its mutual..

i try not to tink about it..

cos i'm afraid..

afraid history repeats itself..

wad am i to do..

how do u feel..

2005-05-20T22:31:00.000+08:00

played squash thou my legs were still immobile..

can die arh..

cant even walk up and down the stairs properly..

damn..

we were playing 6 ppl..

i was in shiming n eric's grp..

why?

cos i'm a guy..

joel's my guy name..

against girls..

and huiting hit the ball..

it shot straight into my jaw..

pain..

like its one of her 'hard' strokes..

den played with bingwen..

every ball tt he miss he use the racket to hit me..

he said i got a flat butt..

and i'm flat everywhere..

wad the hell..

so big for wad..

hahaha..

den played with chikwan..

he was sick den still play..

and he said something tt i tot was useful..

'even if u dunno how to drop also must drop wad'..

it nv occured to me..

cos all i wanted was to play safe shots..

after tt went cold storage..

bought 2 bars of kit kat chunky..

haha..how fattening...

2005-05-19T22:38:00.000+08:00

today went down ssra office..

uncles had meeting with ssra over dispute..

uncle richard, kelvin and maurice was down..

super duper boring arh..

uncle rich was sick..

very very sick..

nv seen him tt sick b4..

recover soon k?

while waiting we sat outside to talk..

they ask me about ambitions n stuff..

i said dunno all the way..

haha..

uncle maurice also dun like econs..

haha...

he was saying he wants to retire in penang..

buy an apartment there..

den uncle kelvin say dun stay too near to beach..

in case of tsunami..

bt if he happen to be at beach..

den he will start doing court sprints..

run to every tree n touch coconuts..

damn funny..

haha..

after tt we went old airport road to eat..

uncle maurice's showed us his daughter's pic..

she's so so pretty..

it was a great night out with these uncles..

2005-05-18T00:01:00.000+08:00

today went down safra toa payoh..

watched ladies division one play..

jerryca won the first game..

charlene played 2nd..

she wasnt playing her best..

very off form...

mayb too stress ba..

bt she was very upset after it was over..

hai..poor gerl..

hope she cheers up soon..

could feel the sadness..

and i dun like to see her so sad..

it pains me to see her like tt..

cheer up dear..

den siewfung played..

she lost as well..

she seemed very distracted..

off form..

last game was eileen..

she really fought hard..

i like the kinda spirit tt she has..

she doesnt give up and she fights all the way..

in the end she won!

end result: draw on set..draw on score..95..hahaa..

2005-05-16T19:30:00.000+08:00

crushed.

totally crushed.

when i got tt msg.

everything just changed at tt instant.

my heart felt heavy.

i was lost.

i didn't know what to do.

it has been 2 years.

i hid it from you.

you never knew.

mayb i was early.

mayb i was late.

mayb it was neither.

did i make a wrong move?

its been a long time.

so long since i felt so much.

you told me to smile.

i smile.

but deep down inside.

the pain was so unbearable.

can you hear me crying out.

can you feel it.

crushed.

totally crushed.

2005-05-16T05:06:00.000+08:00

yesterday went out for dinner with pk..

met him at marine parade..

as usual..i kena suan again..

like wads new rite..

we went swensens for dinner..

than went popular to get pens..

after tt went to starbucks..

thru out the whole time we talk alot..

talk about everyting and anything..

and he manage to convince me to study..

lol..

me study..

haha..

after tt he sent me to condo..

his driving skills not bad la..

can be trusted..

den he went up to condo with me..

den everyone thought he's my bf..

ahaha..

and my parents had so much fun talking to him..

he very interesting meh? =P

well but it was a great evening i must say..

been quite some time i actually found someone to really sit down n talk to..

well hope there's more chances after this..

2005-05-09T22:34:00.000+08:00

today had sea sports heats..

our class made alot of improvement..

we came in 2nd for our race..

think should be able to get into the finals ba..

hope we can lor..

thanks to weeliat and biwei..

they really helped us alot!!!

for our rafting also..

we came in 2nd..

waited till 6 plus cos we were the last race..

but it was worth the wait..

this year quite alot of achievement..

some more we nv practice de..

very good le..

only thing was huifen got hit by the oar..

once by jeremy and twice by yuhsheng..

now her head got blue black le..

i got hit once by allen..

and hanwen jus missed it!

although she sitting between us..

haha..

and now yuhsheng is our capsize king!

he capsized twice!!!

not easy to sit motor boat twice lei..

haha..

at least last race nv capsize..

if he really manage to make it capsize he's the best le..

well at least this yr..

the class spirit was there..

better than last year le..

it feels great this way..

04s19 all the way!!!

2005-05-04T21:38:00.000+08:00

i'm sick again..

immune system so low..

keep getting sick..

i'm sick of getting sick..

especially that stupid sore throat..

hate it..

i rather have fever than sore throat..

grrrrr~...

2005-05-01T22:37:00.000+08:00

today went squashing again..

with aikmeng, suacheo and gabriel..

so long nv see aikmeng le..

and he still looks the same..

played with gab..

dunno why run like siao still cannot make it..

got trashed..

0-9 1-9 0-9..

this kinda results cannot make it..

den played with meng..

one set..

i was leading 3-0 de..

den he catch up and end with 5-9..

and i accidentally bump into him..

den he say i take advantage of him..

gdness..

bt the most exciting one was with suacheo..

wah we ended up screaming in the court..

cos some was quite high drop..

den i ran in front and give loose shot..

den he hit back..

quite stress la..

haha..

well but it was fun..

cos i realli perspire like mad today..

and i'm dead tired le..

tmr morning still got tuition..

zZz..

2005-04-30T22:19:00.000+08:00

been feeling very tired..

yest helped to train j1's..

den went down to slf to support the uncles..

tt day was uncle richard, maurice, kelvin and bobby..

uncle leong wasn't there..

the result was 3-1..

uncle maurice lost 2-3..

he was leading 2-0..

but he lack in stamina..

wasted..

but its ok cos he did his best..

den uncle kelvin played with safra tt time..

he fell down..

i purposely say must have sportsmanship..

must play all the way..

cannot give up cos tt time safra wanted to stop the game..

thou the ball only hit safra's arm..

they wanted to use injury inflicted by opponent to win..

den the safra ppl cannot stand me..haha..

after tt they had empty courts so went in to stroke..

den uncle bobby came in and stoke with me..

played best of 5 with him..

he made me run like mad..

haha..but it was fun..

den the uncles correct the way i hold my grip..

haha..

they say i use double grip too big..

not suitable..

so uncle maurice lend me his dominant..

wahha..

now i look so pro with 2 rackets..

den went for supper with the uncles..

they told me they will help me in squash..

but must study also..

hahaha..

so happy..

suddenly so many ppl doting on me..

2005-04-28T21:42:00.000+08:00

today i went to watch coach carter..

first time went out with steven..

thou i kinda knew him since sec4..

great to see him on a planned day..

not another day when we bump into each other..

haha..

he looked kinda tired thou..

anyway it was a great movie..

showed how studies should be first..

and the determination tt they have..

the way they fight all the way for the match..

the team spirit that they possess..

than it got met thinking..

did i do a bad job as a capt?

mayb i did..

tts why the team spirit was so poor..

hai..

now i'm not in the studying mood..

dun ask why..

i dunno as well..

well eve will know the way i'm feeling..

sucks..

my life is kinda screwed up now..

lost lost lost..

darn!

2005-04-23T12:33:00.000+08:00

the girls ended well..

we won mjc..

4-1..

i was the only one who lost..

regretx..

not focus enough..

i let external factors affect me..

which should be the last thing tt can ever happen..

damn..

feel so dumb..

sigH~..

well wads done is done..

but the girls played well..

thanks to hansel!

he helped us alot..

and the girls listened to him!

haha..dunno why also..

now we're 4th in the grp..

not bad..

at least we manage to get our aim..

congrats!!!

the guys also beat 2 schs..

now they're 5th in the grp..

quite an achievement as well..

overall it was a good job done by everyone!

tpjc all the way!!!

2005-04-20T20:17:00.000+08:00

tpjc girls beat srjc..

tpjc boys beat tjc and yjc..

very happy that we are nt last this year..

at least there is an improvement frm last year..

hope the j1 girls this year can train hard..

and move up the ladder slowly..

huiling played a deciding match..

after the game was over..

we won but sadly..

the opponent cried..

it was her bday some more..

at least she's able to look open one dot..

after that i told uncle richard..

den tt night he bought durian..

3 packets for his family and 3 for us..

he came to my hse after his meeting and eat with me..

how nice of him..

he shared with me his principles of 4D..

after thinking it thru..

hmm..it makes some sense la..

really must thank him for being my morale booster all these while..

thank you uncle!

2005-04-20T04:24:00.000+08:00

i've got a new skin..

spent a long time finding something close to my mood..

dunno wad's happening to me..

suddenly feel so sad..

mayb its cos i'm sick and stuff..

down with cough sore throat and flu..

haven't been performing up to standard either..

yes i'm talking bout squash..

ok mayb i shouldnt be so sad..

i've got a long way more to go..

so much more to learn..

went down to slf today..

watch those uncles play..

den saw simon yang..

he ask me to go sp on sat..

den he'll stroke with me..

and when he found out i'm playin with sr tmr..

he started laughing..

cos he's coaching there..

but i tink he should be nt bad la..

as in coaching wise..

in reference to the achievement and attitude of charlene..

got physics test resluts back..

14 out of 30..

failed by one mark..

wad a waste..

tuition doesnt seem to make much of a difference..

today there's a maths test..

on p&c, prob and drv..

and i never really study either..

hai..

guess i shall end hear ba..

its 4:25 am and i got a match today..

havent sleep at all..

zZz..

2005-04-15T12:12:00.000+08:00

my comp internet crash so never update for quite a long time..

yeah..

so nth to say also..

cos i forgot wad happen le..

hahaa.. =P

2005-04-11T17:11:00.000+08:00

heya..

nv blog for quite some time..

comp crash..

sucks!

hmm..

quite alot of things happen these few days..

so much to say..

so little time..

played squash with leslie yesterday..

i'm so lousy la..

i tink he quite sian playing with me..

haha..

well feelin very tired these few days with all the squashing..

no matter how much rest i try to get..

it seems useless..

sheesh..

2005-04-02T20:25:00.000+08:00

my comp crashed..shucks..

fri the guys had their first match..

again ajc..

i was glad to be present..

eman played first..he won..

den shiming..

wah..tt guy tt played with him arh..

so violent..

keep crashing into him den ask for stroke..

so purposely..grrr~..

overall we lost..2-3..

actually i was very happy..

cos they played very well..

and it was tt time tt i witnessed team spirit when coach went off..

and everyone was so supportive of each other..

i guess winning or losing is not so impt..

wads more impt is wad we learn frm it..

there's more matches waiting for us..

conquer the rest!

monday is the girls' turn..

thou we know chances are low..

we are gonna do our best!!!

jiayou all the way~!~!

2005-03-28T22:37:00.000+08:00

today so coincidental.. saw steven again.. i tink this is the 2nd time i saw him within this month.. wad a small world.. some more took the same bus.. and he said i look fierce! i so nice.. how can look fierce.. but my eye bags are really getting frm bad to worse.. haha.. this few days quite busy so no time to update.. will update soon..

2005-03-24T00:31:00.000+08:00

emmanuel got in already!

and we have mohammed daniel..

cool name lei..

mummy came back already..

i went to the airport and wait for her..

her flight was 2235..

met tt pig at tampines..

den we went tm and cs to walk..

den went airport to eat..

well only he was eating la..

haha..

den we sat there and talk all the way..

till 10 odd..

his eyes like wanna close le lor..

thanks for accompanying me to wait..

thou i know u were dead tired already..

i'm touched by all that you've done for me..

2005-03-23T12:07:00.000+08:00

i'm screaming for you.

can you hear me.

shouting for you in my mind.

can you sense it.

the tension is building up.

the burden is weighing me down.

catch me when i fall baby.

i'm breaking down inside me.

i'm crushed.

i don't wanna cry.

i don't want to.

but i can't.

let me cry in your arms.

let me lean on you.

i need you darling.

i need to have you.

you made my life whole.

2005-03-22T22:58:00.000+08:00

i gotta start studying soon after comp.. hai.. i'm like slacking so so much.. esp econs.. totally catch nothing.. so dead.. maths n physics still can manage.. cos i have my super duper tutor! i jus intro him to ying, huifen n hanwen.. 25 per hour for 3 ppl.. its a good rate.. he's charging allen between 30-35 i'm paying 35 per hour.. no fair!!! haha.. bt he has to tolerate so much.. so i tink worth it la.. haha.. now i'm his sales promoter and bargainer.. no commission some more.. haha.. mayb i shld go do sales and marketing.. bt den again.. have to take econs!!! how? shucks.. i so so so dun like econs.. i'm lost in the jungle of economics.. zZz..

2005-03-21T20:12:00.000+08:00

giordano wrist band..

grey and pink..

NICE!!!

it forms the word..

'love forever' and vice versa..

actually i tink the lite pink also nice..

but its respect..

i wan some more wrist band!

ahahaa..the colours very nice!!!

mummy went overseas for a few days..

suddenly the hse like so quiet like tt..

haiz..

this week busy busy..

mon to thurs tt pig nt free..

den thurs to sunday i not free..

zZz..

2005-03-20T22:50:00.000+08:00

i'm happy happy happy today.. =)

2005-03-19T20:01:00.000+08:00

to 3 ppl out there:

i know u are sad..

i know u are hurt..

i know its been hard for u..

and all i can say is i'm sorry..

i know wad i want..

i know wad i'm pursuing..

mayb u are thinkin like wad others are..

tt i'm not nice and all tt stuff..

i cant say anything much about tt..

whether u wanna b influence by ppl or not..

all i can tell u is i dun mean to hurt u..

whether u believe it or not its up to u..

i give up easily..

i admit..

once i give up i dun turn back..

i'm sorry..

2005-03-19T09:57:00.000+08:00

today went beach..

been a long time since i went..

walk and walk..

bt it was quite fun la..

can exercise ma..

haha..

well wat can i say..

it was definitely fun..

i had a great time..

2005-03-17T23:52:00.000+08:00

Hero - Mariah Carey

There's a hero

If you look inside your heart

You don't have to be afraid

Of what you are

There's an answer

If you reach into your soul

And the sorrow that you know

Will melt away

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

It's a long road

When you face the world alone

No one reaches out a hand

For you to hold

You can find love

If you search within yourself

And the emptiness you felt

Will disappear

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

Lord knows

Dreams are hard to follow

But don't let anyone

Tear them away

Hold on

There will be tomorrow

In time

You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

2005-03-16T22:09:00.000+08:00

i went eastpoint to get the last ipod mini today..

light blue one..

considered on getting one for a very very long time..

finally did it today..

well i'm not regretting..at least for now..

den went yck to play..

played with this guy called eric..

he hit the ball so hard i got so freaked out..

totally stun lor..

about last nite

i'm sorry about everything..

things did not work out..

we knew it right frm the start..

i'm sorry..

today on the bus to yck and back..

was thinking of alot again..

about wad made me upset..

about my feelings..

keeping my train of thots rationale..

i told myself i wun take the initiative anymore..

i'm afraid to love..

afraid to fall and get hurt..

but the feeling that you gave to me..

i dunno..

everything seems to be conincidental..

is this fate?

or is it nothing at all..

sigh~

2005-03-14T22:25:00.000+08:00

went for the econs jb trip today..

it was quite fun..

during lunch only i enjoyed the food..

mayb i got weird taste bud ba..hahaa..

saw capital intensive factory..

and the way they make plastic..

so amazing..

haha..

went giant bt there seems to b nth much to me..

we also went to city square..

bought some stuff..

after tt hanwen and i lost lijing and jiaying..

so we went to walk on our own..

next time go shopping must be with hanwen..

cos you wun buy anything de..

she will think very long de..

so can save the money..

in the end the both of us so aimless..

cos we had 2 hrs and nth to do..

haha..

but i tink overall it was a good experience..

during the trip qute a fair bit of time was spent travelling..

during that time i realize i missed you..

i dunno why..

as i gaze into the sky..

my mind was filled with images of u..

its scary how feelings can be at times..

everything that you told me..

everything that you did..

i nv knew anyone who treated me the way you did..

till i met you..

you're incredible..

one of a kind..

2005-03-09T20:49:00.000+08:00

today we had learning journey..

went Asian Civilisation Museum..

on the way there i was sitting with allen..

both of us were super hyper..

keep using ppl's phone to take pics..

hahaa..

flood till memory full..

n we were complimenting each other..

during the whole journey only can hear allen, huifen n my voice..

hahaa..

but by the time we reach ther i switch off already..

they were talkin about the history of anime n manga..

den showed 'long mao'..dragon cat?!

it was quite entertaining..

bt when they showed some firefly thing..

i fell aslp already..

they off all the lites..

so everyone ended up slping..

logical rite..hahaa..

we walked to raffles place mrt..

went there walk around..

den walk to city hall..

on the way we saw some ppl shooting..

den we kaypoh around lor..

ended up tt 2 fellas who were filming where waving at us..

when we cant even see clearly who are they..

hahaha..so ying wave back..

went to eat BK..

and they keep askin me to shut up..

cos of my sore throat..

bt i cant..

den we ended up talkin and laughing in BK..

well..though i'm very tired and i'm sick..

bt i enjoyed myself very much today!

*someone said i'm pretty! = e*g*n*..hahaha

2005-03-08T21:05:00.000+08:00

went to watch movie today..

lemon snicketts:a series of unfortunate events..

with jiaying, faeez and his fren raj..

quite weird la..

2 couples..

one mjc gay couple and one tpjc lesbian couple..

hahaha..

bt i tink the show was great..

the money was well-spent..

haha..no regrets!

when the movie was over..

i tot i saw patrick..

den i ask jiaying and she tinks its him too..

and we purposely walk to long john..

all 3 of them told me tt he and his frenx were staring at me..

i didn't look till at the escalator..

and i swear its him!

bt wen i msg him he said he's in camp..

hai..

till now he's still lying..

when will he ever stop..

and now my broadband connection is done!

thanks to faeez!

hahaha..

bt i took up his time tt was suppose to be spent with his gay partner..

sorry.. =P

2005-03-04T20:59:00.000+08:00

today got back 'AO' level results.. got b3 for my chinese.. well.. i was hoping for it.. cos common test i had c5.. den promos had b4.. so i was hoping for a b3.. and i got it.. well well.. honestly speaking.. when i saw my results.. i was not very happy..

mayb this is wad they mean by..

man's greed?

i was contemplating on retaking..

bt after tt i realized..

i shld b contented with wad i got..

i know its gd to persevere..

bt..i guess A level subjects are more impt?

well well..

at least i've gt a load off..

2005-03-01T22:02:00.000+08:00

today i went to watch howl's moving castle with huifen, hanwen n jiaying..

at first i dunno wad nonsense is tt..

so was a bit hesitant about it..

bt..after watching it..

i tink its great!

my 6.50 was well spent!

a few parts were a bit chim..

cos it doesnt really make sense..

bt overall i tink its realli gd..

so yeah..its a must watch k!!!

after tt i went home den went to chinese doc..

my wrist is injured..

of all times when competition is drawing near..

wad luck..

injured my leg also..

i tink its due to the training on sunday..

there's medicine to take some more..

grrr~..

i hate capsules!

2005-02-25T19:27:00.000+08:00

the results of the draw is finally out..

here goes:

Boys..

hcjc, njc, ajc, jjc, tjc and yjc..

Gerls..

hcjc, acjc, jjc, mjc, srjc..

die le la like tt..

how..?

i heard tt srjc this year quite strong..

they can trash the nyp yr2..

and their capt play with jj top seed loss to her by 2pts!

den mj gt this yr1..

from rgs one..

she even beat jenny la..

now top seed already..

den jj is well known to b strong..

den tpjc how?

wah!

now must train like siao already..

and make sure we at least win something..

we shall break the trend!

tpjc all the way~!..

haha..

2005-02-23T19:07:00.000+08:00

so tired this whole week..

monday had squash..

tuesday had tuition..

yes it finally started..

haha..

today had maths test..

tmr gt spa and tuition again.

friday training..

zZzZzZzZz..

sorry to those tt i flare up with last nite.

i was jus VERY VERY VERY irritated..

i'm jus tryin to study ok..

i wld appreciate if u jus leave me alone..

den i tink my maths test..

not done very well..

bt wad to do..

last minute work..

today the stupid squash ball hit me again..

why always i kena hit one..

do i have the 'hit'able look?

den i help the guys to take photo..

stupid howard pt the racket betw his legs and act macho..

keep criticizing gerls some more..

this fri the draw for tournament will b out..

so scared..

hai..

i realli hope tt we can at least b the 6th..

and not the last again..

tpjc squash will slowly climb up and nt be looked down!!!

i dun wanna think about anything anymore..

i jus wanna concentrate on my studies, frenx and family..

pls dun try too hard..

cos it may backfire one day..

2005-02-19T00:00:00.000+08:00

happy happy! wahaha.. played squash with faeez today.. he came down to tpjc.. well i was suppose to meet him la.. bt.. haha.. made him come all the way here.. the score was 6-9 and 8-10.. quite happy with the score la.. though i din win.. bt its okie.. cos the score was close! with guy some more.. well well.. but i know he got give in la.. haha.. still happy.. haha.. i'm going insane.. wahaha..

2005-02-18T00:47:00.000+08:00

i hate myself..

i cried again..

y cant i jus stop crying..

i hate to cry..

wads wrong with me..

y did i start it when i'm like tt..

i cant i jus learn how to say no..

why cant i jus say out how i feel..

wad the f*ck is wrong with me..

time n again i cry..

tts all i did..

i dun tink i'm cut out to b in it..

i dunno how to handle it..

i'm nt the gerl for u..

i'm different frm everyone other gerl..

i see things differently..

i've been thru too much..

i fear too much..

i'm nt who i seem to b..

i appear strong..

i appear confident..

when all i am is a weakling..

tts all i am..

2005-02-10T22:06:00.000+08:00

got this new blog skin..

so pretty rite..

haha..

i actually managed to do it!

so proud of myself!

i no need leslie help le! =P

haha..

anyway this cny was quite happening..

reunion dinner was with the vietnamese and china guy..

after tt played cards..

lost 5 bucks plus..

den played mahjong..

first day went church..

den went home slp..

after tt went auntie suzy hse for lunch..

den went to watch seoul raiders..

i tink its worth watching..

now i wanna watch finding neverland..

den at nite ah yi they all came..

got to play with rayshane n joash..

they so adorable lor..

ah gu they all came later..

saw my cousin's husband..

he resembles doyle..

so scary..haha..

play mahjong frm 8 plus till 3 plus!

now they declare tt i grad frm mahjong sch for beginners..

haha...

today my class gerls came..

jingwen n edwin also..

allen and jeremy suppose to come de..

bt..i dunno..

play mahjong again..

later deb went to my hse..

nth much lor..

jus talk and watch tv..

my 2 days of cny passed like tt..

zZz..

2005-02-07T10:12:00.000+08:00

its time to back track again..

haa..

sat went spore river..

so sian..

*f ran frm funan to spore river to find me..

bt i had to go by the time he reach..

hai..

i'm sorry..

i'll give ur frenx a treat one day la k..

and i'm sorry to tell u so many things so suddenly..

i just didn't know how to tell u..

cos..

hai..

nvm..

i guess its stil better for u to forget it?

hai..

anyway i din go for training yesterday again..

sux..

dunno..

jus dun feel like going..

yesterday was very bad mood..

den uncle msg me..

ask me go sp train on sat..

bt too far le lor..

i dunno..

now suddenli like no mood to do anything..

suddenli life is so mundane..

i'm so lethargic..

sucks..

i want the energy back!

zZz..

2005-01-31T19:30:00.000+08:00

now lets back track abit..

saturday..

went for arcturus bbq..

met at 130 at white sands and i was late..

when i reach there everyone stare at me..

so paiseh..

haha..

den i went to pierce another ear hole on rite ear..

dun ask me why..

i dunno..

i'm impulsive..

bt i tink it looks nice..

haha..

den went hanwen hse eat maggie mee..

yum yum..

after tt went back and they started the fire le..

so fun..

keep playin with charcoal..

though eyes very pain la..

haha..

den sel say me and j look compatible..

i nearli fainted!..

of all ppl..

hahaa..

den zy and j say i look compatible with e..

gt husband and wife look..

hahaa..

crap..

play truth or dare..

sabo like shit..

cannot choose truth..

so take dare lor..

den wad else..

ask me and e hug..

so paiseh can..

siao lor..

zZz..

kids nowadays..

hahaa..

oh n i got a new bag..

frm bugis street de..

bought for 32..

quite guyish..

wads new rite..

ahahaa..

2005-01-28T01:03:00.000+08:00

my photo is up already..

gosh..

i tink i look weird!

haha..

i've been feeling tired for god knows how long..

i dun understand why..

my ogm jerome today told me something..

he feels tt i'm stress..

and he tinks i'm sufferin frm depression..

am i?

dun tink so..

mayb nt tt serious?

i dunno..

zZz

2005-01-20T21:13:00.000+08:00

today is hanwen's bday!!!

happy bday to u..

happy bday to hanwen..

happy bday to u!

2005-01-19T20:53:00.000+08:00

today had training..

so long nv see coach le bt he still so handsome..

haha..

no..he's more handsome den ever!

haha..

dunno why this morning i woke up..

den my chest very pain..

geex..

den after tt suppose to run 8 rounds..

i only run 6..

den stomach ache le..haha..

my knee sux..

always so painful..

i played with kosing today..

the whole racket hit my head..

now gt bump le..

haha..

so ugly..

now my head out of shape already..

i tink i'm losing my squash skills..

now like so lousy lor..

must train train train le!

2005-01-17T20:36:00.000+08:00

i'm getting more and more tired everyday..

i dunno why..

geex..

i need slp..

loads of slp..

hai..

i hope we can still b frenx and u wun avoid me..

it hurts to know things became like tt..

and its nt ur fault..

i nv blamed u at all..

nv once..

memories are meant to b kept in the heart..

sorry for bringing so much misery..

mayb u shouldnt have asked for my name..

i'm sorry..

every minute..

every moment..

is precious..